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A taxi, probably, will take me the last few kilometres to the Grand Hotel Tremezzo, standing sentinel over glamorous Lake Como. At least, that's what I'm thinking as I travel from St Moritz. I'd hoped to catch the Palm Express bus, which takes 2½ hours. Instead, I left it too late (it's high summer, after all) so I'm working my way from Switzerland into northern Italy through a crumple of mountains and valleys. It takes five hours – train, bus, train, bus –with the last bit on the Palm Express in reverse, winding from Switzerland's Lugano back to St Moritz. So many holidaymakers swarm onto the bus that even big kids must tip and sway on their parents' laps until some of us tumble out at Menaggio.
There it is: the lake, in all its glittering glory, shimmering in the heat, cradled by mountains with the odd village clinging to near-vertical slopes. I'm too early to check in at my hotel five kilometres away so I wander the shoreline, spotting a restaurant perfect for lunch. Then I spy a timetable for the Trombetta Express: a miniature "train" ride that's more fairground than wealthy summer playground (trombetta means trumpet). How fun. Five euros later, my suitcase is tucked beside me in the middle carriage and we're off, chugging along the serpentine road at a top speed of 15km/h, keeping the Maserati and Mercedes drivers behind us in check.
It's impossible to miss my destination: the grand Art Nouveau hotel looms over the road. I swish through the lobby, trying to act like I didn't just arrive on a kids' ride, pass giant lolly jars (I'll be back to raid those later) and enter my rooftop suite. I'm on the side of the hotel but my terrace still offers glorious lake views. The bubbling jacuzzi and outdoor table with chairs are so much to my liking that I abandon plans to go out. What could beat this? I alternate between lazing in the whirling water and reading a book in the glorious Italian sunshine. The lake's hot and heavy air presses upon me and I acquiesce. Everything else can wait.
My suite, with its complimentary mini-bar, lacks only one thing – caffeine. I hightail it to breakfast, order a latte quick-smart and linger over the buffet heaving with soft cheeses and charcuterie, fruits and yoghurts, and so many honeys, cakes, pastries and tarts that I make several visits. From the breakfast terrace, we survey the action at the hotel pool floating in the lake beyond the Pommery champagne bar and TBeach, with its golden sand and sun loungers. Guests drape themselves over beanbags around the pool, topping up tans between swimming lazy laps. Down there, they're definitely living la dolce vita.
The hotel's chief executive, Valentina De Santis, shows me the latest developments. Neighbouring 18th century Villa Emilia, which she used to run around in as a child, now houses the hotel spa and a swish new suite. Architect Ruggero Venelli, who designed the property's beach and rooftop suites, showcases original features such as intricate floral floor mosaics.
De Santis knows this area like the back of her hand: I ask for a Bellagio dinner recommendation. She's fond of Trattoria San Giacomo; the concierge recommends La Punta at the tip of the Larian peninsula on which Bellagio is perched. In the end, it's an easy decision – La Punta doesn't have a table to spare so I head back into the village. The Tratt is surprisingly affordable: grilled lake trout with salad is just $17.50. De Santis raved about the chocolate cake and it feels like Lake Como itself, rich and irresistible.
I'm back on the lake next day for a one-hour tour in the hotel's own Venetian-style, varnished mahogany speedboat. It's time enough to swing past a few of the grandest lakeside villas and to develop a serious case of real-estate envy. Captain Giuseppe Cetti pops a bottle of prosecco and pours me a flute. We pass others boating about on the lake - our heads swivel at one scantily clad lady sunning herself on a deck. "Piccolo bikini," I manage, with my minimal Italian. The captain laughs at my little joke. Clambering from the boat back onto the pool deck, I realise it's my last chance to get wet. Forget the pool - I dive straight into Lake Como, leaving the water in my hair as I head back to everyday life.
www.grandhoteltremezzo.com
www.preferredhotels.com
The nearest major airport is Milan: reach it via Singapore with Singapore Airlines; via Dubai with Emirates; or via Hong Kong with Cathay Pacific. The hotel can arrange transfers.
Grand Hotel Tremezzo closes for the season on November 8, reopening on March 11, 2016. Rooms in 2016 will start from $715 a night (for double occupancy with breakfast).
Explore neighbouring Villa Carlotta with its impressive terraced gardens and museum (entry $15, see villacarlotta.it) or take a ferry over to Bellagio to shop, dine and explore the village.
HIGHLIGHT
Lolly jars in the lobby are a sweet touch.
LOWLIGHT
Caffeine addicts must leave their room for a fix.
